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Negotiating Limits with a Mistress


Whether you are a first timer or experienced, one of the most important rituals for you will be negotiation. Negotiation plays an important role as it eliminates any possible misunderstandings for the participants.

Before the scene

Many find it essential to arrange a pre-meeting negotiation. In a situation when partners know little or nothing about each other, negotiation is a good way to clarify all the peculiarities of the forthcoming session ... so that the expectations of both parties will be met.

In fact, negotiation in BDSM resembles the usual way people get familiar with each other's interests.

One of the most important aspects of negotiation is honesty about what you expect from your partner and what you can give. In this regard, communication about the most important details of the scene allows you to dispel misunderstandings.

The usual way partners negotiate is by using a negotiation form, where all these details are structured in a list to make a well-thought decision.

During the scene

As a rule, all the important matters had been already negotiated before a scene starts.


During the scene, code words and signs are used to communicated important things without breaking the scene. For example a 'safe word' is a word you use to tell the mistress to ease up ... so if you chose the safe word 'oranges' and during the scene things are starting to go a little too far .. you say 'oranges' and the mistress will back off without having to stop the scene.


After the scene

It is also quite essential to communicate after the end of the scene and not just abruptly close it. The usual follow up may include discussing such things as best moments of the scene, worse parts of the scene, and suggestions on the next scene. This helps to clarify all the issues and come to a better understanding of each other.

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