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Answer An Ad From a Mistress


There are usually specific conventions in addressing dominant women that they find to be necessary ... and sex ... well, just a hint that you need to read BDSM ads carefully.  Not all dominant women have sex with their play partners.


A bit of background is needed before we go further - Dominant, submissive, switch all have specific meanings in the BDSM community. 


Dominant in the scene almost always means ONLY Dominant.  Very few people who call themselves dominant will switch, or if they do, itís in such limited circumstances they may as well never switch. 

If someone can go either way, they will refer to themselves as a switch. 


A switch may be a gender switch, which means that they are submissive to one gender and dominate the other.  They may be a situational switch, which means that in some situations they are dominant and some submissive, or it may all depend on how they perceive their partner. 


It also may depend on their mood at any particular time.  Switches are NOT people who canít make up their mind.  They are people who can enjoy either side of the Power Exchange and thatís a good place to be.  But switches are not the most common players. 


Most people are either dominant or submissive.  So back to that.


Dominant women have some conventions most follow.  Calling her Mistress before she accepts your submission is seen as presumptuous.  Mistress is a term implying obligation and relationship.  So when you write to her, call her by her name, call her maíam, but avoid using Mistress as a term to address her by.  Donít send her photos of your privates.  That is not the most important thing that she is looking for. 


Do READ her ad.  A lot of dominant women do not have sex with submissive men.  Donít expect her to be into ďcasual sexĒ or ďsensual servitude.Ē  Donít tell her how good you are at oral.  Donít tell her that you want to be her toilet (trust me on thisÖthis information is better saved until after you meet her.), want to be castrated, or want her initials tattooed on your whatsis. 


Take time to get to know her.  Write to her about what attracted you in her ad, what you expect in a relationship (not too graphic, okay?) and what you are looking for long term.  Suggest lunch or coffee in a public place.  Be interesting.  One liners, ďI want to be your slaveĒ donít tell her anything she wants to know about you.  If you didnít want to submit to her, you wouldnít have answered her ad.  So give her information, donít waste her time.


Dominant women may be the most complex category to deal with because female domination is often very different from the Variations Magazine stories.  Many female dominants are into service and donít have sex with submissives.  Many will only have sex with submissives in an ongoing relationship after a trial period ... but you won't know unless you read her Ad carefully !


Many female dominants are not into service, but are into SM only.  Many are into service, and not into SM.  You cannot treat these ladies as being interchangeable.  Be very careful to read their ads.  Be sure that what they are looking for is the same as what you are looking for. 


One final word:  If you are turned down by the person you wrote to, donít continue to send them whiny, threatening, rude or obnoxious emails.  If you mistake someoneís interest in BDSM for sex, and she writes you a ďget lostĒ note, accept it.  Donít write back with justification.  Donít call her names.  Go on to the next.  You are not going to change anyoneís mind, and you are just ruining your chances for any of her friends. 


© 2004 Mistress Contacts - Helping you find a Mistress or Dominant FemDom Lover