If someone can go
either way, they will refer to themselves as a switch.
A switch may be a
gender switch, which means that they are submissive to one gender and
dominate the other. They may be a situational switch, which means that
in some situations they are dominant and some submissive, or it may all
depend on how they perceive their partner.
It also may
depend on their mood at any particular time. Switches are NOT people
who canít make up their mind. They are people who can enjoy either side
of the Power Exchange and thatís a good place to be. But switches are
not the most common players.
Most people are
either dominant or submissive. So back to that.
have some conventions most follow. Calling her Mistress before she
accepts your submission is seen as presumptuous. Mistress is a term
implying obligation and relationship. So when you write to her, call
her by her name, call her maíam, but avoid using Mistress as a term to
address her by. Donít send her photos of your privates. That is not
the most important thing that she is looking for.
Do READ her ad.
A lot of dominant women do not have sex with submissive men. Donít
expect her to be into ďcasual sexĒ or ďsensual servitude.Ē Donít tell
her how good you are at oral. Donít tell her that you want to be her
toilet (trust me on thisÖthis information is better saved until after
you meet her.), want to be castrated, or want her initials tattooed on
Take time to get
to know her. Write to her about what attracted you in her ad, what you
expect in a relationship (not too graphic, okay?) and what you are
looking for long term. Suggest lunch or coffee in a public place. Be
interesting. One liners, ďI want to be your slaveĒ donít tell her
anything she wants to know about you. If you didnít want to submit to
her, you wouldnít have answered her ad. So give her information, donít
waste her time.
may be the most complex category to deal with because female domination
is often very different from the Variations Magazine stories. Many
female dominants are into service and donít have sex with submissives.
Many will only have sex with submissives in an ongoing relationship
after a trial period ... but you won't know unless you read her Ad
dominants are not into service, but are into SM only. Many are into
service, and not into SM. You cannot treat these ladies as being
interchangeable. Be very careful to read their ads. Be sure that what
they are looking for is the same as what you are looking for.
One final word:
If you are turned down by the person you wrote to, donít continue to
send them whiny, threatening, rude or obnoxious emails. If you mistake
someoneís interest in BDSM for sex, and she writes you a ďget lostĒ
note, accept it. Donít write back with justification. Donít call her
names. Go on to the next. You are not going to change anyoneís mind,
and you are just ruining your chances for any of her friends.